Soothing for the wilderness times

When I enter into a coach-client partnership with you, I am here for you between sessions. Happy to exchange emails and receive phone calls between sessions. With my client’s permission I am sharing an example below, as we both feel this will resonate with many.

“I don’t know how it is for you, but for me it comes in waves. I can go months, weeks even years feeling excellent – having normal highs and lows and being in control when I am sad. Seemingly out of nowhere I am struck by this massive ocean of despair. There is never a true cause – there are often several underlying factors and contributing circumstances but generally it is triggered by something completely minuscule.

When this happens to me, I literally cannot get out of bed/car/couch/shower/garden – wherever I am when it hits. Usually my first move is to try and blame it on someone else (subconsciously). I try to ride it out and cry until I fall sleep. I used to drink but I have learned that this makes it significantly worse and prolongs the despair.

During these moments I can not see through to the other side. My heart feels such loneliness, despair, anguish and isolation that I can not find a lighthouse – in my mind, at that moment, it will never be overcome. That is the scariest part of all.

The only thing that pulls me through is to write. It always ends like this:

I take a deep breath and I write to someone.
I write to myself.
I write.

By the end of the email/page/letter I begin to breathe slower. The tears have stopped. My heart feels calmer and I can see to the other side again.

What do you call this?”

I call the condition, being human.
I call the will to bring ourselves through it,
accepting our humanity and having faith
I call the ability to actually bring ourselves through it
being an evolved human being
I call your process self-soothing.
Do not allow my “names” to cloud your experiences.
Sending empathetic hugs S